


Cooking Show with VIXX

by KenviTrash



Series: When KenviTrash is Bored [1]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Crack, Gen, Hongbin is the visual, Hyuk has a dirty mouth, I didn't expect for people to like this terrible fic wow, I wrote this while studying for my english exam, Inspired by Cooking King, Ken being Ken, Leo is done, Long live the Chabooty, Lots of Cursing, My first fic with only VIXX is so terrible, N is the mom, Poor Confused Ravi, RIP VIXX who were killed by Jung Taekwoon, Will be deleted soon, variety show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 20:26:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9512303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KenviTrash/pseuds/KenviTrash
Summary: VIXX does an episode of a cooking show.What can go wrong?





	1. ©KenviTrash

**Author's Note:**

> The crack fic that shouldn’t exist. Inspired by VIXX in Cooking King when poor Ravi just wanted to know what a poached egg is, Leo being Leo, Ken’s “Zidane, soccer player GOAL!!” and being a cuckoo clock, Hyuk having a mental breakdown, Hongbin was the quiet one for some reason and the MC praising N’s cooking skills even though Starlights know that N’s cooking is terrible, thanks to One Fine Day. So enjoy and I might delete this.
> 
> Also inspired by Channie Song and BananaUyu’s crack video.

This work is pure fiction.

The author does not own the characters Cha Hakyeon, Jung Taekwoon, Lee Jaehwan, Kim Wonshik, Lee Hongbin, Han Sanghyuk.

However, the original characters do belong to the author. Any similarities to a person living or dead is purely coincidental and is not intended by the author.

This story is not meant for any profit. It is merely for the sake of enjoyment. All the events following the story are purely the imagination of the author. Any similarity to any events in real life is purely coincidental and is not intended by the author.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording or any other mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial users permitted by copyright law. For non-profitable use, please seek permission from the author.

If the story is being copied, reproduced or transmitted in any forms or by any means, it shall be reported to the author immediately.

This story is not meant to offend any kind of people. If you find any part of this story offensive please seek author.

This is meant for all people (except for author).

by @KenviTrash

All Rights Reserved  
Copyright  
© 2017 @KenviTrash


	2. Cooking Show with VIXX

One day in the MBC building, the producers thought about getting a idol group to cook for them every episode. Each member had to make a meal. In each episode, a different idol group comes, not the same every week. It was approved and groups like EXO, ASTRO, B1A4, BTOB, Infinite came on the show, there was one member in each group that was good in cooking and the food is satisfactory. After the filming of the episode with BTS, when Rap Monster made a huge fire with the food and Jimin and V snuck some weird ingredient, the producers decided to get VIXX this time. How wrong were they?

*with VIXX*

“We’re doing another cooking variety show?” Leo asked Papa Hwang. “You don’t even know what happened last time.”

“It won’t be like last time, I promise.” Papa Hwang said. Leo thought about the awful possibilities of the episode ending. Ravi would be confused about the food or his sexuality and set the place on fire; N would ruin the food because he’s terrible at cooking and Leo didn’t even know why the MC of Cooking King thought that N was a good cook; Ken… let’s not talk about him; Leo had no problems with Hongbin; Hyuk would be a confused child with his devil personality and Leo will die from embarrassment. In total, he died 5473 times since he debuted. He nodded at Papa Hwang and took his leave.

*filming*

“Annyeonghaseyo, we are V, V-I-X-X, VIXX!” the members greeted the producers.

“We’re going to start filming now.” a female PD said and the shoot started.

“Each of us will be making something delicious for you all.” N half-lied, Leo glaring at him. “It will amazing so look forward to it.” Leo clapped, knowing that something will be destroyed in 2 seconds flat.

“Each of you have to compete for ingredients.” Leo looked up in surprise. A competition for ingredients? Shit, fuck. Leo cursed in his head. “With those ingredients, create a delicious meal for the producers.”

“What?” Leo asked. “Why?”

“Because it’s a competition.” the female PD answered.

“I think that was self-explanatory hyung.” Hyuk retorted and Leo went to murder the little shit.

“Let’s get started.” As the PD counted down to five, Ravi kicked Hongbin’s leg, Ken jumped on N’s back and Leo glared at Hyuk to fucking try him. “START!”

“Damn it!” N yelled as Ken knocked them down. Leo got a bunch of ingredients, including meat because everyone loves meat. Except for vegans but I’m not discriminative like Donald Trump. He ran in the boxes where they needed to cook.

 _‘I got this shit.’_ Leo thought, smirking to himself. Damn, it feels good to be a gangster.

“SOCCER PLAYER GOAL!!” Ken screamed. Leo has regretted to be in VIXX since 2012 for this reason. Exactly. Lee fucking Jaehwan.

“I GOT IN BITCHES!” Hyuk yelled.

“HAN SANGHYUK!” N yelled.

“Where’s the cheese?” Ravi asked. Leo felt sorry for Ravi, the poor guy couldn’t find anything even if it is in his hand. But Leo couldn’t care less because LR was a joke to Ravi.

“Why do I exist?” Hongbin asked, in the boxes with Leo and Hyuk. Same Lee Hongbin, I don’t know why I exist either. After 10 minutes of chaos with N the leader, Ken the meme and Ravi the poor confused kid, the female PD’s voice filled the room

“All members have entered to cook their dishes. You have 1 hour. START!” the female PD declared. Leo was already 15 minutes in his dish.

“There’s a caterpillar in here.” Hyuk whined.

 _‘Yup, saw that coming.’_ Leo thought.

“Is this sauce or blood?” Hongbin asked himself.

“Of course it’s sauce, you fucktard.” Hyuk snapped. “Who would have blood?”

“I’m washing your mouth with soap later, you piece of shit.” N snapped. Ken was blabbering things.

“Cock, cock, cook your cock. Cock, cock, serve it on a plate.” Ken sang.

“Wouldn’t that hurt?” Ravi asked.

“Cocks don’t taste good.” Hyuk commented.

“I thought we were all straight.” N said.

“Yeah, like your sister’s hair.” Hongbin replied.

“I think more like your grade point average.” Leo commented.

“You are all gay.” Hyuk pointed out.

“Just take it off girl~ Just take it off.” Ken sang. “Jinnie showed me this song. Isn’t it good?”

“Expensive Girl?” N asked. “I saw the previous episode and saw that Namjoon-sshi set the food on fire.”

“I think that’s why Jinnie sent him to sleep on the couch.”

“Leo makes me sleep on the couch every night.”

“I told you that you’re all gay.” Hyuk sang.

“Fuck you and fuck your mom.” Ken snapped.

“That’s incest.” N commented.

“What came first, the chicken or the egg?” Hongbin asked.

“SHIT, I BURNED MY FINGER!” Ken screamed.

“SHIT, FUCK, IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE BLACK?” Ravi yelled.

“FUCK, FUCK!” N yelled.

“I don’t know what the fuck I made.” Hyuk commented.

“Where’s the script?” Leo asked. “We have to make something delicious and this show certainly explains why you idiots are all fat pieces of shit.”

“LR was a joke.” Ken sang.

“I will murder your ass.”

“Can’t get it fucking right.” Hyuk yelled and something crashed on the floor. “I BURNED MY FOOT FUCKING FLIPPITY FUCKING FUCK.”

“So 30 minutes of washing your mouth with soap, child.” N snapped.

“I’m a Barbie girl, in my Barbie world~~” Ken sang.

“I knew you were named after the Ken doll!” Hongbin yelled.

“Leo hyung, do you feel emotions besides happiness with babies and animals and anger with the rest of us?” Hyuk asked.

“Oh please, I have no soul.” Leo snapped.

“My food will be the best, bitches.” Ken commented.

“Don’t get smart with me, you little prick.” N snapped yet again.

“Where’s the instructions?” Ravi asked.

“There are no instructions.” Hongbin answered.

“Can’t get it fucking right.” Hyuk mumbled, smacking the pot.

“IT’S JUST A FANTASY!” Ken sang.

“We are promoting Bomb right now.” N commented.

“Yeah hyung, introduce to everyone your solo debut.” Hyuk said. Ravi started to talk about his solo song while Ken distracted him.

“BOMB AND BOMB, FEEL THIS ENERGY!” Ken screamed.

“Bomb and bomb!” Hongbin sang.

“Can you feel my explosive potential?” N sang.

“BOMB AND BOMB, FEEL THIS ENERGY!” Hyuk sang.

“Bomb and bomb.” Leo sang.

“That is how the song goes.” Ravi said. “Thank you.”

“This will be edited out.” Hongbin retorted and Ravi hit his head on the wall.

“What colour is the soup supposed to be?” Hyuk asked.

“Brown.” N answered.

“It’s green.”

“How the fuck did you get it green?” Leo asked, confused by the stupidity.

“Oh yeah, there’s mold on the pot.” Hyuk said.

“You gave us fucking dirty pots?” Hongbin asked.

“That’s disgusting.” N said.

“I’m sorry Mom.” Ken said.

“For your existence? Because I want to apologize to your mother for your existence.” Leo commented.

“Ever so harsh, hyung?” Hongbin asked.

“10 minutes left!” the PD called. Leo’s dish was done, N’s was 95% done, Hyuk gave up when his soup turned green, the confused Ravi only made a sandwich, Hongbin made his dish and Ken successfully made a dish even though he distracted everyone.

“I’m done with life.” Hyuk commented.

“I was done with life since 2012.” Leo commented.

“Ever so subtle, hyung?” Hongbin asked.

*after the cooking segment*

“Hyuk, where is your dish?” the taste tester asked.

“The pot had mold in it when I was making my dish so I gave up.” Hyuk answered.

“Mold?”

“Yes.” The taste tester shivered. He ate the dishes and nearly vomited. VIXX nervously smiled when the taste tester glared at them.

“FAIL!” the PD claimed. VIXX nodded, said their goodbyes and went home.

That night, all the members got choked by an angry Leo.

 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for this.


End file.
